I got all I need when I got you and I

Yesterday was my kind of perfect day

After taking half day to collect my SGC, Alex and I headed down to Raffles City to have lunch with Alyssa at Din Tai Fung (which did not serve har gao walao). Then we headed down to Cloud Dome and Flower Dome yayyyyyy
So anyway I think Cloud Dome is way nicer than Flower Dome possibly because the Flower Dome didn't have a very nice display going on - it was Fairy Tale themed and I can't really appreciate those anymore. We've just missed the Tulips display shucks.
Ok idw to describe anymore but here are some photos taken using my phone which camera sucks under low light (other than that its working fine)

So this is what you first see when you walk into the Cloud Dome - I spent a good few minutes just staring at this massively beautiful structure. See how the glass ceiling curves around the waterfall? Absolute perfection I swear. 

And this was a lego display of a venus flytrap hmm i think it was a bit out of place tbh 

So this is evidence that my camera sucks under low light conditions BUT just look at the architecture omggg I almost did spaz. 

So there were many holes in the wall where you could look out of? And the water coming down in this photo is not from the waterfall but I think it was mist. Like from a sprinkler or something. Anyway very cool in real life but not really in this photo oops. 

And this was a river looking thing which looks like black ink :( Leading somewhere I think it's just a massive drain hahaha. 

And this is inside the Flower Dome! I'm obsessed with the architecture oh my god it's so beautifully crafted. The way the sunlight streams through the glass ceiling also so perf!!!!!!

So yes this is what I meant by sunlight streaming through the glass 

Big and fat baobab trees - its name is really suitable hahaha

Flowers slightly disappointing tho - some looked a bit dead / dying 

And that's about all the photos I took, no point posting the rest cause they weren't quite nice oops! I'm going to miss this skyline when I head abroad 

look at the silver lining around the clouds, and the sunset along the horizon sigh

But it was such a perfect way to end the day 

One of the best birthday celebrations so far tq friends much love muacks

All the photos have been resized to fit my blog so some didn't turn out looking quite nice :( 

Managed to hold a very very decent 10 min conversation with this lady in the office about food, living overseas and organisational structure. So proud of myself esp since she's more than 40 years my senior! Achievement unlocked i swearr

You're gettin’ me, gettin’ me through the night

So very exhausted today I couldn't even muster enough strength to board the bus back home so thank God my mum dropped by the MRT to pick me up

During work I happened to glance at my phone for a moment and there was a call that came in. On the other end of the line was a guy called Jeffrey (?) from NUS Catholic Students' Society (CSS) and he spent time trying to convince me to join their Freshmen Orientation Camp (FOC) from 30th June till 3rd July. But the thing is I can't make it on 30th June cause it clashes with my last day of work and Aristal. So I spent a lot of time deliberating whether to attend the camp cause if I don't attend the first day, it'll be a bit extremely intimidating since people would've bonded without me and i didn't want to feel extra. But that's quite a shit reason to be honest haha. It's amazing what long showers can do to you cause during my shower time I've managed to convince myself to go anyway and it's cause of these 2 reasons:
1) There's a reason why I happened to be looking at my phone at the split second the call came in. I don't usually look at my phone at work (kidding) but I know there's a reason for this
2) I'm going to a camp to draw closer to God and I know the Lord wouldn't fail me because He never has. So there's nothing to worry about since He's looking after me! There's probably a very appropriate quote to insert here from the Bible but I'm not a Bible reader so

If you're thinkin' of being my brother it don't matter if you're black or white

Had this massively serious nostalgic moment when MJ's Black or White came on the radio this morning 

& my sis and i were like

Seriously there were days when we came back from school 

& we'll just shove the MJ's album (see below) into the player 

& put this on repeat x10000000000 

there was this once where we were headbanging so hard 

the next morning we had this horrible neck strain HAHA 

oh god going to miss my sis so much :(

this album was released in 1991 - years before i was born ?!

so grateful that my parents introduced his music to us 

'Cause love's such an old-fashioned word

And love dares you to care for

The people on the edge of the night

And love dares you to change our way of

Caring about ourselves

“Have a heart that never hardens, 
and a temper that never tires, 
and a touch that never hurts.”
-Charles Dickens

我的天！

I've found my P6 class blog

http://6cpwns.blogspot.sg/

*cries*
back then there was something called MSN which was actually cool,
this girl referred to herself as "bala" oh hell
it's so so strange that we know each other, i mean some people I prob won't say hi to them anymore cause it's literally like, we used to know each other a lifetime ago
also it's weird that most of us went to the same secondary school, but we behave like total strangers
but we'll never know if our paths may cross again
omg the feels the feels the feeeeels

sexually explicit remarks are sexually explicit. period.
i don't give a fuck if it's a joke or not.

so tired of being in an unhappy working environment
this time it's my responsibility to take control of my happiness
i suppose i could not be so uptight and work with my boss better
and at the same time ignore his insensitive racial and sexist comments
so so hard to do that but i insist on trying for my sake

1 more month to go
9 years worth of papers done
9 more years of papers to do

i can do this i can do this i can do this i can do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come on skinny love what happened here? 

It doesn't really mean much when someone says, "I miss you a lot" or "I really wish you were here" or "I'll make time for you for us to meet up!" because I'm a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap so just do something to prove it. I mean you can go ahead and proclaim to the whole world that I mean a lot to you but I absolutely refuse to believe it until you actually do something.

If you don't want to see me again or don't want to spare time to meet me then don't say anything about wanting to meet me. I'll find it hard to understand why but it's better than promising to do so then nothing happens. Cause I'll just keep waiting and waiting, wondering when will you actually do what you promised. The sad thing about this is, you can't take back what you said and I can never unhear or unread what you said / texted me so. Sometimes I think I should take the initiative but I just don't want to cause a) you were the one who promised, I merely said "okay sure!!" or b) i don't want to seem desperate to see you especially if you don't feel the same way about meeting me

I really need to move on to more important things in life (e.g., self development and improvement) than chasing lost friendships. I won't deny we've had fun while it lasted tho.

Finally found his old ringtone 

It would always ring until 她的名字叫小薇 before getting cut off 

Spotify has rekindled my love for Classical music & i'm so delighted
I mean, I can easily find all those obscure pieces are readily available *squeals*
+ I'm slowly giving up on Pop music cause nowadays it really just sucks quite badly tbh.

This piece isn't obscure but it's my new favourite :)))

birthday coming up at the end of the month but i have 0 mood to celebrate this year given that i have to study & do well for this test sigh
& i also think it's about time i stop throwing sleepovers for my birthday - it's getting a bit lame

On the bright side, Vesak Day is the Monday after my birthday so its a long weekend *yess*

Love; it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

sian this is so beautiful i wish i was doing this

One thing Chinese Dance taught me was how to be more feminine in my smile, my eyes and in my poses but I can't be bothered in reality hahaha

"How many slams in an old screen door? 
Depends how loud you shut it. 

How many slices in a bread? 
Depends how thin you cut it. 

How much good inside a day? 
Depends how good you live ‘em. 

How much love inside a friend? 
Depends how much you give 'em.”

- Shel Silverstein 

tonight isn't a good night

i'm so bogged down by the fact that i can't solve any question of the 3 papers I've attempted so far. I'm only able to do bits and pieces of it & it's just so worrying.

I'm trying to learn as much as I possibly can & it's just so hard because most of the time, I don't understand the examiner's report since they don't show all the steps and other times I'm trying to decipher handwriting.

+ there's this kid upstairs that just keeps yelling away i just want to jump off a building rn.
work isn't getting any better, it's getting worse
My positive mindset for the week is just plunging

So done with thinking and thinking about the scholarships nonsense

What good is it to think so hard about where you went wrong anyway? All this is just speculation. Forget it mid-term scholarships here i come!!!!!

Should i just stay in Singapore.

i had forgotten how promise feels

Q5 他妈的 i can't see the bloody factorisation god damn it i've been looking at it for 30 mins
the temptation to stab myself is getting higher and higher _|_

so tired my eyes can't open anymore but it's only 9.30pm
sketched this graph thrice but still all wrong
i equated 1 = 0 and deduced that (1,0) is an axial intercept fml
differentiating wrongly also

& tomorrow shall be another day at the office
i shall make it a point next week to remain positive
last week was such a negative week for me it was too draining for my poor soul to handle sigh
& i ended up all exhausted by the time Tuesday came round

i feel so restless
As I'm heading off to university in a matter of months
I find that there's seriously more to life than going to University, dating, getting a good job, getting married, having kids. Like I know there's just something waiting out there for me & it isn't any of the above.

I'm not undermining the importance of schooling and getting a good job and get married etc etc but seriously sometimes i think i should retire at 35 and go do something radical
Like my mum said if you're rich enough you seriously can retire at 35 i.e., richer than millionaire

Maybe something radical like doing good for society on a massive scale not just CIP
or invent something that actually reduces the strain on the environment
I mean I've always thought I'd be an inventor but of the past 19 years, nothing wonderful has ever come up from my pea sized brain hahhaha.

I don't know wth, maybe I'll end up a nun
I'll never know where life takes me!
Which is very exciting
But school comes first so that'll have to wait........

"I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you."

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) dir. Michel Gondry

rage, rage against the dying of the light

Last night i had a dream about ah gong

He appeared at the door of my study room, asking for this piece of worksheet my sister did up for him. My sis did up this simple fill in the blanks in English for him to help him pick up a few words. So I took it off her table and handed it to him. Then after flipping to the second page or so, he said, "Wah, 那么多！"

So i took the paper from him and i understood why cause my sister accidentally attached her Math worksheets to the back of it. So in my halting Chinese I replied him, "没有啦阿公，只有这两张纸。"

He nodded in relief but he couldn't see quite well cause of the poor lighting. So he came into my room (which I realise he never does) and went to my window behind my table. Learning against the window grille, he lifted his spectacles and perched it on his forehead. He held the paper up so the sunlight would shine on it and started reading what my sister did for him.

So the strange thing was, I was looking at him as he read the paper and realised, ah gong is still around and he's still very much alive. Wait, hasn't he passed away? The dream was so real that I forgot that it wasn't reality anymore. And i just thought, okay this is just a dream, I'll wait till I wake up. So in my dream, I woke up (this dream has 2 layers) and I went to blog about it (like what I'm doing now). And after I was done with this blog post, I woke up.


Throughout this whole dream he was wasn't looking gaunt or sickly, he looked like how I would've liked to remember him - as fit as he was around 2008. My mum was saying how it's a sign that he's encouraging me to work hard for STEP / if you look at things in a different light (pun not intended) i may actually be able to do things better / that he's learning English in heaven hahaha

I'm so happy that I dreamt of him, it's almost a year since his death sigh
It just seemed like yesterday that my sister and I were rushing to watch Totally Spies at 3pm and had to compete with him to get to the TV before his 黄金年华 started at the same time
or the time where he would buy prata for us as our afternoon snack which we didn't like but now i wish someone did that
or the times where he would unknowingly interrupt our family conversations and we had to take turns to talk to our mum about our day
or the times where he would carry our bags and walk us to school when from P1 all the way till I was P5
or the times he would bring lunch for my sister and i when we had CCA and walk us home after that

Just last weekend my parents and I went back to his old flat at Holland to leave a document there
And the house was so filthy oh god the tenant there didn't even clean and my aunt who usually does that has been very busy lately so the 3 of us just did the job
I think this was by far the most disgusting thing I've ever done like the drain choked and sewage started seeping into the house?! Or talk about that dead lizard dangling off the cupboard
Everything was so grimy and greasy even mopping twice couldn't get rid of much.

But then I saw this calendar he had in the living room. It's the type you can buy at the market, with the big Chinese words and auspicious dates marked on it. Every morning he would cross out the date and it was a bit chilling to realise that no more dates have been crossed out since the Sunday of his death last year. I still don't know what to think of it. And now as I'm typing this, I realise that I have this calendar for the year 2014 hanging beside my table that he got for me. The type where it's a day to a page and you can rip off the thin paper once the day is done. He'll buy it for me every year. But each year I'll forget to use it and leave it hanging until the next year then I'll throw it away. But 2015 has come and it's still there.

this is my morning ritual
listening to this song as i head off to work hahaha

Extremely uplifting especially at 1:48 and 2:58 
i don't know i just feel damn happy listening to this!!!!!????

“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”
-Audrey Hepburn

Dats right bitches